Newborns in bow ties? Cuteness overload.
In the thick of sleeplessness, colic, nursing strikes, and poop explosions, sometimes it can be hard to enjoy those first few months of babyhood. Let’s be blunt for a second here: that baby was either just ripped from your womb via surgery or expelled from your ‘gina by the sheer force of your pooping muscles--and now you have to tend to it at all hours of the day and night? Raw deal, man.
But take heart. Babies have a few tricks up their onesies to keep you from leaving them with grandma for three months so you can catch up on your sleep (and sanity.)
Here are six things to relish about newborn babes:
Short hair, don't care.
#1. Newborns don’t give a damn
Babies aren’t embarrassed when they fart in an elevator. They smile and coo after they spit up on you. If they want something, they don’t wait politely for you to pick up on their social cues--they demand you care for them. They don’t apologize for being who they are. Maybe we could learn a lesson from them. Except maybe not the elevator farts, please.
#2. Newborns stay put
You can put a baby in a car seat, stroller, swing, rock and play, bassinet, play mat, or blanket on the floor and the best they can do is wave and kick like upended turtles on speed. Yes, that means you have to cart them around if you want to move. But it also means they can’t climb out of cribs, jump off of couches, or escape dressing rooms while you’re trying on an ill-fitting bathing suit. Savor the immobility.
Callum entertained by mom making fart noises.
#3. Newborns are fascinated
Want to entertain a baby? Run water. Turn on your hair dryer. Play peek-a-boo. Sing a song. Stick out your tongue. Clap you hands. Clap their hands. Rip paper. Vacuum. Stand up. Bounce. Everything is new to babies, and it all demands their full attention. In a few years they’re going to demand asinine preschool cartoons, or to hear “Little Blue Truck” for the sixty-first time today, and that peek-a-boo crap just won’t cut it.
#4. Newborns smell like...baby smell
Oh, that scent. I’m pretty sure its what angels smell like. If I could bottle it up like a perfume I’d...well, I wouldn’t wear it because, weird. But I’d keep a vial at my bedside and in my purse to waft if I needed to remember what bliss smells like. If my toddler still smelled like a baby, I’d chuckle and kiss his nose while I swooped him up from the ketchup he was using to finger painting my kitchen walls. Actually, it’s probably good that babies lose that sweet scent, because my kids would never be disciplined, only snuggled.
#5. Newborns are the perfect excuse
Wish we could stay longer, but it’s the baby’s bed time. We can’t go to your party because we don’t want to bring germs home to the baby. Sorry, I’m trying to nap when the baby’s napping, so I didn’t answer my phone. Can I be first in line at the buffet? I have a baby. Babies are the best excuse for doing things you way without anyone giving you grief, and someone has the audacity to complain, invite them to hold your screaming newborn for an hour.
Kisses for my baby.
#6. Newborns love with absolute purity
If a baby looks up at you and smiles, it’s the most wholesome love you’ll ever receive. That’s because babies are ignorant. They don’t know that someday you’ll be the one making them do their dishes, finish their homework, and pee in the toilet. Right now, you are the cuddle giver, the song singer, the diaper changer, and food provider. Every good and perfect thing in the world comes from you, and babies know it. Soak it in.
- 8:46 PM
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